Excerpted and Adapted from: “M-Joy Practically Speaking” and “Little Book of Big Potentials” By Melissa Joy
Co-Creation, Unification, and Ripples in the Pond
What we call our destiny is truly our character and that character can be altered. The knowledge that we are responsible for our actions and attitudes does not need to be discouraging, because it also means that we are free to change this destiny. One is not in bondage to the past, which has shaped our feelings, to race, inheritance, background. All this can be altered if we have the courage to examine how it formed us. We can alter the chemistry provided we have the courage to dissect the elements.
All that you experience is you in relation to—everything!
Relating is a dynamic, ever-evolving essential of relationships. Relating describes you in relation to. Relating is you in relation to universal consciousness and its infinite potential. Relating is you in relation to—everything! As an extension of universal consciousness, that which you create is connected to the all and is experienced wholly in relation to you! Everything is in relationship. Everything is you in-relation, too.
Your perceived personal reality can be likened to a pebble dropping into a pond. The pebbles represent your choices. The pond represents universal consciousness. Wherever you choose to drop pebbles into the pond creates a ripple effect that emanates in all directions, reverberating through every-thing in relation to your choices. The pebbles create the ripples. In turn, the ripples respond to your pebbles. So, your choices determine where the pebble drops into the pond, and there is a ripple effect that is the holographic placeholder for your interactive reality-creation.
When, through heart-centered awareness, you shift how you show up, everything shifts around you. For example, if you want to change how you relate to your family, how a person relates to you, or even how your garden blooms in relation to you, you can shift your awareness and resonance with respect to where you choose to drop your pebbles into the pond. The ripple effect of everything in relation to you changes accordingly. Shifting awareness is a really empowering way to access change without really doing anything other than noticing what you notice from your heart, and then choosing how to show up in relation to . . . everything. Just choose.
There’s a component to the field of the heart that can be amplified or multiplied when it is coupled with components of grace. This component of the heart field can be expressed as a mathematical equation for accessing personal power, wherein the Heart Field × Grace = Exponential Personal Power:
HF × G = EPP
As with any mathematical equation, the components of grace can be revealed in multiple directions. Any component of personal power, when divided by grace, can summate (consummate), or bring together, the various functions of the field of the heart. They are interrelated, interconnected, interdependent, symbiotic, synergistic, synchronistic, tessared, and torsioned together.
When we embody personal power and access the field of the heart, we are accessing grace, as well. These three components work synergistically. Thus, accessing the field of the heart accesses grace and also accesses personal power.
Personal power tends to evoke different references for different individuals, based on their prior experiences with power. Personal power, as a function of grace, is not power over anything or anyone. Personal power is instead a power that comes from direct access to the field of the heart and the infinite potential that is available when we plug into the grid of universal consciousness potential. Within a heart-centered connection, there is nothing to be powerful or to be powering over.
Grace is a stance of inner power that does not control. Rather, grace is a gentle-handed command from the heart field. Grace is an inner strength, an inner solitude, and an inner knowing; it is a centering that provides balance for every dance of awareness, for every interaction, and for every relationship to anyone or anything. Through grace, each movement in our reality becomes an expression of the field of the heart, an expression of grace, and an expression of personal power.
Grace itself is both unifying and relational, in that the experience of grace reminds us of the inherent connectivity between everything and everyone. We can see that the experience of grace is often expressed through our intimate relations with one another.
One of your most important intimate relationships is the one you have with yourself. The relationship with yourself is you in relation to you. You in relation to you is an eternal marriage between the True Authentic Self and your heart. The vows are simple and profoundly meaningful. Commit to love, honor, and listen to yourself through your heart, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, in death you’ll not part. Vow to appreciate, encourage, and support yourself when you need it most, and even when you do not need it. Promise to always be honest with yourself and to express your truth as it occurs to you. When you forget any of these promises, remember the premise of forgiveness, as forgiveness is an ever-evolving gift of grace. Very important in this marriage with yourself is to find your Joy. Be Joy. Live Joy. In-Joy! Love self first and foremost, and from there, love exponentially. Love is the ripple-effect.
In Love without End, Glenda Green speaks eloquently about the scientific function of love:
If you would think upon the function of love scientifically, think of it as reversal-transference—a point of function where two complementary forces, in the presence of a third stabilizing factor, exchange modes and one becomes the other. This is primary magnetism and compression. . . . This is also the mystery of paradox, which precedes, supersedes, exceeds, and reconciles all patterns of structure into simple fluidity.
A whole is designated by its character and quality—not by its boundaries! Its center, however, can be marked with a “0.” The forces expanding from that point exponentially multiply the energy released. Simultaneously, through the aspect of energetic tension, energy is transferred from one extreme of expansion to another. By these reversals, torque is generated, and that sets in motion a magnetic spin, or vortex.1
The center of a whole can be marked by Zero. Zero has infinite value: Consider unconditional love as consciousness potential, represented by the placeholder Zero. Zero is not nothing, as in without value. Zero is no-thing; whole and all-inclusive of all values and expressions. Zero is, perhaps, empty space that is voluminous with potential. As nothing, Zero has no boundaries, no parameters, and no perspectives. It is a Zero-point field of infinite consciousness potential.
One is a placeholder for universal consciousness. One is universal consciousness, expressing from consciousness potential, represented through Zero. One is part of Zero and contains all of Zero, but One is not greater than Zero. From Zero, as no-thing, comes something, and that something is One, as the all.
Unconditional love (Zero-point field as consciousness potential) expressed as One, may be considered conditional or conditioned by virtue of the parameters it has chosen. Parameters chosen are One. Just One.
Except for One being all-inclusive, which it is, there are really no other boundaries. All-inclusive means infinite inclusion, infinite expansion, infinite possibilities, and infinite expressions. Therefore, to me, One is still unconditional love. One is. Love is. One is.
One, as Love IS, seeks to know itself in the same way that consciousness potential seeks expression. In other words, Love IS, in its stillness as unconditional love, has no way of knowing itself as love without experiences that reflect back its own essence to itself.
As One, Love IS, in its stillness as unconditional love, dances alone—until its movements emulate a spin or torsions of joy, dancing through is-ness.
Love spins and spins, and in its spinning there is a momentum that creates and propagates another torsion field. Another torsion field manifests as a reflection of itself, such that the torsion fields can now dance together.
In this reflection, there is a coupling, a relationship-to. Love IS, as One, sees itself mirrored in another. Awareness of self is born in relation to another. One, as unconditional love, spins gracefully into a new condition or expression of love, as Two.
Two is not greater than One, just as One is not greater than Zero. All are inherently connected. Each seemingly separate, albeit truly connected, part contains the whole of each One and Zero too (Two)!
Love IS, love expresses, love experiences, and love reflects. Love returns to itself. Love IS. As love, you are, you express, you experience, and you reflect. You return to yourself as love because love is what you are. Love is what we all are. We are . . . I am . . . and you are All that IS.
The ‘I AM’ is a cohesive, magnetic connection of love. It is through the I AM in relation to others that we readily notice and experience the torsion fields of love, spinning as grace.
Self in relation to others offers a plethora of opportunities; opportunities for growth and understanding of our True Authentic Self, as infinite beings peacefully co-existing within our own perceived limitations. Self in relation to others is a magnificent, dynamic field in which to experience the limitless power of the unconditional love that is universal consciousness. Similarly, being in relation to others offers a perfectly imperfect playing field to experience limitation through relationship. What a wonderful way to reconcile and unify any perceived disparities within ourselves! Love IS and love relates.
In relation to, grace abounds.
Love IS because unconditional love has no boundaries. Unconditional love is without conditions. Unconditional love does not mean loving all conditions. Many mistake the notion of unconditional love to mean tolerating intolerable circumstances. This is not so. Unconditional love is Love IS. Unconditional love in relation to another does not mean conditions are placed on the love itself. It means conditions are placed upon the circumstances in which we are willing to or not willing to, or choose to or choose not to participate in. Unconditional love is clearly:
“I love you and the circumstances are not in integrity for me.”
“I love you and I am not congruent with these behaviors.”
“I love you and I do not agree with your choices, so I choose to participate in something different.”
“I love you and this pattern is okay.”
“I love you and I choose to stand beside you.”
“I love you and—no.”
“I love you and—yes.”
Loving unconditionally does not require us to relinquish our personal power, our integrity, or our self-respect to prove something. Love has nothing to prove. It is already wholly proven. Love just is. Unconditional love says, “I love you and I don’t need you (or me) to prove that I can love unconditionally.”
All men and women are connected by an energy which many people call love, but which is, in fact, the raw material from which the universe was built. This energy can not be manipulated, it leads us gently forwards, it contains all we have to learn in this life. If we try to make it go in the direction we want, we end up desperate, frustrated, disillusioned, because that energy is free and wild.
—Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Loving unconditionally is not love as manipulation. Manipulation is not loving. Manipulation is twisting love to meet an agenda, such that the love is siphoned off into a constrictive funnel called agenda. Clear the agenda! Love is free of agenda.
Loving unconditionally also means we do not subject ourselves to the manipulations of others. Manipulation is a method of attempting to use love to suck power. Manipulation is a power struggle and a drain on our resources.
Love is its own power source. Succumbing to manipulation may seem easier than saying, “I love you and no thank you.” Placating a manipulator may temporarily alleviate the energetic drain, but at a vibrational level, placating manipulation simply feeds manipulation rather than offering awareness of different options. In technical terms, a relationship in which partners use manipulation to respond to manipulation may be described as a passive-aggressive relationship. Love does not manipulate. Love IS.
Manipulation of love is a form of addiction. It is reliance upon another person, or people, for power, using their love and adoration as energy and as a means to an end, rather than connecting directly to the unconditional love of universal consciousness that is one’s own infinite source.
We can either nourish ourselves in Love IS, or we can continue to feed our addictions to manipulation. Denial is the finger on an invisible hand that maneuvers us, too. End the denial and the addictions to manipulation, and we find ourselves cradled in the hands of love.
When we drop down into the heart, we can recognize manipulation in ourselves, and others, through the innate knowingness of the heart. There is an air of pretension when we encounter manipulation. We feel it. Pretension, as a precursor to tension, which can lead to uneasy feelings, and even dis-ease. When we end the pretend in the manipulative behaviors, we may also end what portends us.
Loving unconditionally means we may encounter various levels of done in relation to others’ patterns. Part of loving unconditionally means simply being done with a relationship in its current configuration.
Love never goes anywhere. Only the circumstances change. When we realize this, loving unconditionally is easier, because there is nothing to lose. Free from fear of perceived loss and free from judgment, we can navigate clearly and make choices based on love, not fear. Love IS, and it is always there.
What is done? Done is done, and done can surface in many ways.
At a transformative level, done means the patterns that we were entangled with, or that were preventing us from loving unconditionally, have been released. There is nothing to hang onto any longer. There are no attachments in unconditional love, as Love IS already complete and whole in its magnificent and absolute simplicity. When we release our attachments to perceived complications, the complications let go of their attachments to us.
Being done with a relationship in its current configuration does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. Instead, it may mean that True Authentic Relating (TAR) has come to light. Done may serve as an opportunity to honestly communicate wants, needs, and desires to others without attachments to their response. True Authentic Relating is a congruent expression of coherency by our True Authentic Self. In other words, TAR is maintaining awareness of an unbroken connection to all and aligning awareness toward others in a manner that reflects this connection. True Authentic Relating is integrity-in-action. True Authentic Relating (TAR) represents clear intent and right relations.
When one offers love freely and unconditionally to another and it is rejected, that is not a rejection of self. Rather, it is a reflection of another’s own limited awareness in rejection of the inherent love that they are.
When we extend love to another, that love is an invitation and an offering for higher awareness. Loving unconditionally—without attachments to whether that love is received, accepted, or reciprocated—plants seeds that can blossom in unexpected ways. Love IS and does not require another to accept it for the love that is to grow. Where love is, love grows.
Loving unconditionally means we are compassionate and empathetic in relation to others, but we are not necessarily sympathetic. Let me explain.
Merriam-Webster defines sympathy as
an affinity, association, or relationship between persons or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other . . . mutual or parallel susceptibility or a condition brought about by it or . . . an inclination to think or feel alike.
Energetically, sympathy is entraining to another’s resonant vibration. But, we do not want or need to enmesh ourselves in someone else’s stuff. Practically speaking, when someone is miserable and we sympathize, we are likely to become miserable, too.
Empathy, on the other hand, is defined by Merriam-Webster as
the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objective manner . . . also: the capacity for this.
Compassionate empathy arises when we connect our resonant vibration with source, expressing through us as love and coherent light, and then align our awareness to the resonance of another. Then, when they are experiencing misery, we are embodying and radiating joy. In turn, the joy that we are expressing reverberates toward them. If they choose not to receive it, then we are still able to have a joy-filled experience, with or without them.
Loving unconditionally does not mean we must become miserable to help someone who is resonating misery. We can create leverage and wiggle room so that the pattern of misery can change if we simply shine our light as love.
In recognition that the terms compassion, empathy, and sympathy are nominalizations and somewhat subjective, I offer the following personal distinction that has helped me immeasurably when interacting with others.
As an empath, I am quite adept at tracking and following individual and group energetic patterns. Initially, when I first began teaching large groups, I was quite sympathetic to everyone and left interactions shrouded in other people’s stuff. I felt everything from ecstatic bliss to suicidal depression, and it was exhausting, confusing, cumbersome, and not very fun. (Note: We are all empathic, but some are more attuned to this part of awareness than others.)
I found it useful to make a distinction between sympathy and compassionate empathy. Sympathy entailed noticing another’s experience while aligning my vibration to the resonant information and vibration in which they were experiencing reality. If they were sad, hurt, or triggered, I felt the same. I felt what they felt; it was stifling to me. There was hardly any leverage to notice anything beyond their perceived experience. Sympathy offered little in the way of accessing possibilities.
Alternatively, compassionate empathy allows me to align my vibration with source first, through my heart field. I must say that this has proven very re-source-full!
From a state of infinite potential, when aligning and connecting our awareness in relation to others, we can remain coherent with source while still being able to notice, track, and follow others’ experiences and vibrations. Compassionate empathy, as an extension of source, is an inclusive being-ness that allows us to notice and experience, with others, from a space of grace.
So, distinguishing between sympathy and empathy with compassion enables us to retain a locus of command with limitless possibilities while still honoring and leveraging the inherent connectivity that we all have with one another.
Neutrality encompasses compassionate empathy and is an integral part of relating through heart-centered awareness. Neutrality is sometimes referred to as detachment. I prefer not to associate the word detachment with the word neutrality, because detachment sometimes implies disconnection from something. I prefer using the word neutrality to mean or represent new-to-reality.
When experiencing neutrality, we perceive the world through a lens of innocent perception, free from judgments and still connected to the all. We are most compassionate when our vibration is aligned, with passion, to that which is all as universal consciousness.
Heart-centered awareness is all-inclusive and includes everything, so there is nothing to attach to or detach from in relating to others. Compassion is found in the field of the heart. Compassion is connection to source while observing through awareness from a space of completion.
Neutrality does not mean, “I do not care.” It means, “I am inherently connected to everything, and that means everything is available to me.”
Neutrality creates a portal-to-unity, an opportunity to transcend our perceived limitations. Neutrality is an extension of oneness and provides us with the leverage for something to change. Being neutral is a compassionate form of caring when we are relating to one another.
We may come to know ourselves through the reflections of others.
When these reflections from others are not accurate, we can forget who we truly are. When, instead, these reflections are projections of distorted perceptions, we may encode information that does not match our limitless essence.
Often this occurs during our formative years in relation to our parents and guardians. As little ones, we do not yet see ourselves as separate from those who are caring for us. Their thoughts and emotions become our thoughts and emotions. Their limited perspectives become our limited perspectives. Often, in their confusion and sense of separation from source as universal consciousness and its infinite potential, they unknowingly project their perceptions of themselves onto their children.
These projections include, but are not limited to, their own limiting programs and memes. For example, if they feel they are not good enough, or not deserving, they may project their thoughts and feelings onto others. These imprints encode with information that causes children to feel not good enough or not worthy enough, and ultimately it creates feelings and experiences of not being loved unconditionally.
As a result, these experiences can establish patterns for a lifelong path of dysfunction and dis-ease, often through addiction. Addictions become placeholders in awareness to fill the early experience of not feeling loved unconditionally. All addictions are an unfulfilling quest for unconditional love.
Patterns of addiction are an attempt to find True Authentic Self and simultaneously to avoid it. The placeholder that the addiction represents serves as a habituated strategy to avoid recognizing self as an infinitely whole, perfect, and limitless being having an experience of limitation. The pattern as placeholder serves as a habituated strategy to seek fulfillment and acceptance of TAS in something outside of self that is inherently and incessantly empty.
Is addiction a dis-ease? Well, yes, there is a lack of ease in chronic avoidance. However, classified as a disease in allopathic terms, the behavior of the individual will likely conform to the conventional outcomes for the established morphic field. There is little wiggle room available to heal from a disease that, in allopathic terms, has no cure. In many allopathic models, once an addict, always an addict. But addiction is not an identity. Addiction is a conditioned behavior. A person with an addiction or who is considered an addict—is not his addiction.
Seeing addiction for what it is, and nourishing the person in a clarifying way rather than feeding the confused pattern, changes the configuration. Reflections that nurture the person and not the addiction provide care that allows the long-standing patterns of addiction to stand down and release.
Projections can create confusion and can also lead to other dysfunctional behaviors and dis-eases. For example, many autoimmune disorders may be placeholders that reflect self not recognizing self.
Being held and nurtured literally, figuratively, or energetically in a space of unconditional love allows for a release of addictive or confused patterns, which may lead to dis-ease, such that a return to wholeness is recognized, activated, and realized.
Healer heal thyself is a popular meme that is sometimes interpreted as “I cannot fully help others to heal or transform until I heal myself.”
Conversely, we may out-loop or project our own desire to transform ourselves onto those we are in relation to personally and professionally. We may neglect to attend to ourselves, at the exclusion of helping another. In the giving is receiving. However we must choose to receive, too.
At a certain level of awareness, there is no healing or transforming of self or other. There is only awareness of the various distinctions we believe may stand in the way. Healing and transformation is an ongoing journey with an unlimited depth of potential and expression. When we get out of our own way, our limitless potential becomes available. Healer as whole. Healee as whole. The hole in whole is already complete. When we transform ourselves, the world around us changes. Transformation, through love, is the ripple effect.
It can sometimes feel challenging to radiate light when we appear to be surrounded by projections and shadows of negativity. Yes, it may seem easier to blend in with the reflections and crevices of confusion rather than to keep shining. Yet, to be a beam of coherent light in a seemingly dark jungle is what allows illuminating awareness to be revealed, recognized, and to ripple into reality. It’s akin to being the one-hundredth monkey who illuminates the other ninety-nine monkey-minds to realize, “Aha! I see you now, as you have always seen me, and now I see myself, too. I no longer need to snuff your light so I can feel comfortable. I no longer need your projection to know myself. I know that I am light by my reflection. I know I am light because it is all I see.”
When we do find ourselves in a reality subset that says we need protection, then our perception needs protection, too. As long as we believe we need protection, we will need protection. Protection is a matter of resonant vibration. Where we resonate, so we shall experience.
There is occasionally value in a perspective of protection. When in a resonant vibration, density, layer, or pattern of consciousness that warrants protection, then use it. Or modify your resonance and take the elevator to a different floor of awareness.
Sometimes love wears a raincoat to get through a storm. What works optimally is awareness, and protection is simply an extension of awareness. I speak not in theory but based on experience, having navigated through tens of thousands of complex terrains of consciousness. Sometimes, I dress my awareness in a raincoat to navigate more proficiently and efficiently through a pattern. When the perceived storm is over, I remove the raincoat. In other words, protection is a temporary layer of consciousness that can be worn to weather a storm. The sunshine and light always return.
At a certain level of consciousness, it is all us, as we are all. From that level of connection, there is nothing to protect against, as we are not in need of protecting us from ourselves. We are the dark energy that has distanced us from our own light. We are the demon we may recognize in another. Everything we see is a reflection of us.
We are that which is all, which is source, which is everything, and when we recognize this, we can shape our perceptions to flexibly navigate through terrains of consciousness so that there is no fear. This is a form of modifying resonance. Resonate with a knowing that, in the field of the heart, there is only consciousness potential awaiting recognition.
If you do find yourself perceiving a need for protection, see yourself inside a pink bubble of unconditional love, and then invite that bubble to expand to include all that you notice.
Relating to ourselves and others is an ongoing process of noticing and experiencing, being and doing. Love IS, and love is what we do. We recognize the inherent interconnectivity of all that is through the cohesive tapestry of love in our relationships. The tapestry of love is intricately spun with threads of grace. Through grace, our relationships with ourselves and others are continual, gifted opportunities to trance-form, and to evolve into clear reflections of our true essence: Love. Love is always available to us. Love is not something we need to earn or somehow let into our lives, because love is what we are. Let love out. When we let love out, the ripple effect impacts everyone on the planet. When we let love out, there is a dance of grace that touches the shared heart of one as all.
All relationships carry with them an inherent desire to remain in a state of love. As love itself is boundless, free, and is always moving and flowing, containing a state of love within the fixed boundaries of a relationship can lead to feelings of restriction and dissatisfaction, rather than growth and satiation. More important, when we look to others as the source for the love we desire, we are forever seeking an elusive state. Seeking love from others to fulfill us, or to fully fill us, will likely leave us feeling empty.
When we stop looking outside ourselves for the level of love we desire and instead realize that we are a source of love, than we can shift how we show up, and then, inevitably, everything shifts around us. When we look to ourselves for the fulfillment of love, we quite naturally attract circumstances that reflect similar states of being. In turn, our relationships become more fulfilling, as they become an extension of that which is already full and whole in us. There is a freedom and an expansion found in loving self that allows for more love to flow to us and through us from all directions. This love is within us and is realized all around us. When we let love out and we let love in, the ripple effect expands exponentially through reciprocal waves of grace. When we let love in and let love out, we flow with grace, in an eternal, rhythmic dance of joy.
Grace is relational and is reflected in all our experiences. Grace is the expression of the unconditional love that is universal consciousness. Grace is the spinning of torsion fields in matter and experience. Grace is consciousness reinventing itself in every moment. Grace is our eternal float when stormy seas abound. Grace carries us, as we find our joy, as we remember who we are, as we embrace our truth. When we drop down into the field of our heart, grace is always with us. Grace is the calm unity we feel in relation to others, and when we see ourselves through the eyes of love. Grace is love dancing with all possibilities equally, and grace is yours for the asking. Let go into grace. Trust that grace will be with you always on your journey. Allow grace to express freely in all that you notice.
1. Green, “Jesus on Science,” 341.
Excerpted and Adapted from “M-Joy Practically Speaking” and “Little Book of Big Potentials” by Melissa Joy Jonsson